spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
