i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
