I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
