Moan for me like Helen Keller
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Two words: blizzard sex
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
