i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
This girl is more easily done than said...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
