Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
