I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
