There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
