I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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