She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
