i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
