great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
