Her vagina should come with caution tape.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
