Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
