I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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