that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he thought i was a dude.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
