I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
