Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
