Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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