Who wears a wallet chain?!
I look better un-naked...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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