It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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