I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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