I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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