I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
