he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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