It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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