i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
