i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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