Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
