When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
only you would photoshop your dick
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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