I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
