So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
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I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
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What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.