the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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