and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.