Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
