I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
