i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...