I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
