: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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