went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
