Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
