I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
