Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
now i know why i became what i already was.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
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