no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
