Moan for me like Helen Keller
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
