stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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