Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
