we're blogging at a bar
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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