she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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