Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
