This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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