just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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