If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
