i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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