it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
