so that wasnt chicken after all
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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