She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
