16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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