he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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