I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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