I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
