Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
