Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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