While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
