she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
