does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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