good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize