I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
