Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
