Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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