I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
