wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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