Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
